Pleasant Conversations

A conversation with Spirit Airline Flight Attendant Five Star General Bossy Pants:

Bossy Pants:  Ma’am, we’re preparing for landing.

Me: OK, thanks.

Bossy Pants: Ma’am, how old is your daughter?  (points helpfully to my daughter, who lies fast asleep in my arms)

Me:  Three.  She is asleep.

Bossy Pants:  You’ll need to put her in a seat with a seatbelt.

Me:  I am not waking my daughter up.

Bossy Pants:  Ages 3 and up have to be in a seat with a seatbelt.

Me: I AM NOT WAKING MY DAUGHTER UP.

Bossy Pants: Ma’am?

Me: I AM NOT WAKING MY DAUGHTER UP (Please call me Polly, as I am now a parrot).

Bossy Pants:  …...silence…..raised eyebrow….

Me: …..silence…..stony stare stony stare stony stare….no blinks…..stony stare…..silence….and then I roared my terrible roar and I gnashed my terrible teeth.

Bossy Pants walks off.

Husband: If she comes back, you’re going to have to wake her up.

Me:  No.  I will not wake her up.

Husband: I think they could arrest you.

Me: Call Danno and tell him to book me.  Please come to bail me out in time to get home to unpack before we go to bed and unload the dishwasher.

*I would like to note here that I DID NOT WAKE MY DAUGHTER UP.  She slept peacefully until we landed, which was approximately 15 minutes more of precious sleep.  I will venture to say that I am not the only mother who guards my daughter’s sleep with my life (and freedom).

Did you know that sleep deficit may be the underlying problem driving the childhood obesity epidemic…..NOT television?  Do you know that research has shown that 15 minutes less sleep for 3 nights results in a child performing TWO GRADE LEVELS BELOW their usual performance level?  Not to mention the fact that sleep deficit severely impacts a child’s immune system, meaning that you will likely wind up with the kiddie crap at least 801 times a year.  The effects of lost sleep are so detrimental to a child’s brain development that we don’t really know if they can be reversed in the long run.  How frightening.

Every minute of a child’s sleep is PRECIOUS, and I had very few of those for the first 7 months of Savanna’s life thanks to acid reflux.  The importance of sleep, combined with a touch of PTSD related to those 7 months, leads me to pity the person who makes the mistake of waking Savanna Benton.  Hell Hath No Fury Like the Mother of a Woken Child.

That’s all for today, folks.  Get your sleep!  If you have one of those kids that “doesn’t sleep,” read Easy Sleep Solutions.  The book saved my life, I swear it.  I wrote such a raving thank you note that the authors asked me to post the review on Amazon.com.  I gladly did so.  Cheers to well rested mothers-we’re all the better for it!